Kim the Pretender

The best way for Kim Davis to do her REAL job (hateful bigotry dressed in skimpy religious underwear to barely overlay the vulgar parts) would be to NOT back go to work for the county, and sign on with some logic-busting media purveyor of euphemistic, manipulative, talking-head bondage porn gone wrong (you know, like "The View"). The problem is, though that course of action might contort her body into sweaty, shivering heights of pseudo-religiorgasmic ecstasy, it would interfere too much with her other self-imposed, equally perverse fetish for bullying and humiliating innocent people unnecessarily in a public fashion. Jesus is the best blunt instrument for the forceful delivery of that hate...at least, the intolerant voodoo Chucky-Jesus impostor doll that she has ritually summoned from Hell in her spastic delirium of misfiring dendrites gone wild. The people in her corner always want to be fluffers for the Jesus with piles of money, rather than the Jesus who stands with the downtrodden. Kim, come claim your righteous and holy glory...it is waiting for you on the other side of the glory hole that you just carved into America. But, alas, I'm afraid the masked white guys who run the three-ring-circus called the State of Kentucky may be unable to perform. So, Kim, if you play your cards right, and keep sticking to your tawḥīd, your soul just might end up in Jannah al-Firdaus with seventy-two virgins. That would make it all worth it.

The real story is that this bigoted public official is just trying to carve out a niche for herself as a fanatical leader of the misguided.  Though social media money-collection sites like GoFundMe are shutting down her attempts to cash out, undoubtedly there will be other collection efforts, maybe through hate groups thinly disguised as churches.  Somebody right now is probably ghost-writing a book for her, and there is probably a slot available for her as a "commentator" on some bloviating ad-revenue collections syndicate.

Our Store's New Procedure For Black Friday

We at RapaciousMart would like to wish you a happy holidays, and a wonderful shopping experience for the holidays.  Due to the fact that 157 people were killed in our stores through their own negligence at our last Black Friday sale, we will be instituting the following new procedures to control shopper traffic for the coming Black Friday.  We hope to make a better buying experience for everybody, and want to let you know that entering the front doors of our store constitutes acceptance of these conditions, our terms of service, and our newly revised privacy policy, the full text of which can be found in a random cave in France.  Please be assured that the savings you will experience will more than outweigh any brief inconvenience.

When you first enter our store, please don't be alarmed when one of our greeters puts you in a brief cheerful holiday detention.  If you have children, they will also be held for their own safety in our day care detention camp while you are enjoying your shopping experience.  Please instruct them to stay away from the barbed wire surrounding the perimeter as we cannot be responsible for any injuries they receive due to your failure to properly brief them on any information they would need to have to ensure their survival in these conditions.

During your cheerful holiday detention, your arms will be pinned behind your back for quality assurance.  First, your mouth will be filled with cotton and covered with duct tape to ensure a uniform and happy shopping experience.  Next, a black hood will be placed over your head and fastened at the neck to help with managing the traffic flow through the aisles.  You will receive an injection to enhance your involvement in shopping, and to decrease the terror that our staff psych-ops claim some may feel due to an rare adverse response to our holiday procedures. You will then be guided through the rows by one of our guiders.  Please be assured that the rumors that people are just being kicked down the aisles are absolutely untrue.  Our security personnel will create a human tunnel that your guiders will usher you through.

You will retain enough visual acuity to vaguely see the items you wish to purchase.  When you see the item you want, please make an audible grunt, and your guider will cheerfully place the item in a shopping basket.  You may continue to shop using these procedures.  When you are done shopping, please jump up and down briefly, and you will be guided to the register.  If your guider misinterpreted your grunt, and grabbed the wrong item, we will cheerfully apply our return policy for you.  Simply take a number, and our company's guarantee is that we will call your number within one week or you will be given store credit for the full purchase price of your item!

We at RapaciousMart would like to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving, a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year, and if you sue us, we will countersue you into oblivion! Mo Fo Ho!

Bro-tocol, Or How To Blather Disinterestedly About Ebola And Still Sound Important

It's really disturbing how Dr. Tom Frieden keeps throwing out the "fact" that there "Clearly there was a breach of protocol" without stating any evidence for that proposition or even making it sound like there is anything beyond conjecture backing up that statement.  What breach of protocol occurred?  That part of the explanation is completely absent.  This appears to be just another example of a powerful white dude mansplaining how reality (and particularly that corner of reality that he is in charge of) works, for the benefit of those of us who are just too feeble-minded and submissive to not understand the travails that the rich and powerful must endure in plundering managing us.

Then he comes out and says that we have to re-examine our approach to infection control.  You would think that along with this, he might toss out three or four ideas that smart people have come up with about WHAT WE SHOULD DO to change our approach to infection control.  Just to let us know that he is not just sniffing octane booster and getting blown by farm animals, and to give us some assurance that "doing his job" involves something actually related to the matters he is responsible for, not just tickling the balls of the rich and powerful.  No, this just looks like a case of a scared bureaucrat trying to save his ass by coming up with some official, avuncular-sounding bullshit that is designed to reassure us that Daddy and company are in charge.  And the fire is stoked by the media's gasoline in portraying this institutional succubus as a steady hand on the tiller.

It really looks like the CDC is messing this whole thing up from the get-go.  Don't get me wrong, they have a tough job that gets even tougher as stuff like this gets thrown into the blender.  But there is a big difference between competence (or even one's best attempt at competence) and blatantly covering one's posterior.  The basic dysfunction that is going to play into this whole health care mess in the US is the fact that patients without insurance (read: blood money to big corporate interests who demand it as tribute for us daring to want health care) are often just shunted away, and that is going to make this all much worse.  That is the basic structural problem in the system, and who is going to address that?  We can be whipped up about insurgents in Syria (because there are war profits to be made there), but we won't be told of the much more impending emergency that is our own health insurance system with a structural deficiency that will spread this problem.

Texas Presbyterian Hospital hasn't really added much confidence to this situation.  There is really no adequate explanation why Thomas Eric Duncan was initially turned away, but their behavior seems to be aggressively supporting the contention that they did everything right and shouldn't even be questioned.  But the fact is, people are already starting to not want to go to Texas Presbyterian.  If I was being taken to a hospital by ambulance in Dallas, I would possibly consider telling the ambulance driver to take me to a hospital other than Texas Presbyterian.  And the hospital isn't helping itself by suddenly closing its ER with no explanation.

This is your basic case study in power and control.  How to look authoritative.  How to make meaningless, brief, sound-bite statements that get amplified by a media megaphone in the pockets of big money.  How to hide the ball while pretending a pile of dog turds is really the ball.

So they are telling us that there is not much threat from the Ebola epidemic in the US.  Maybe we can believe them, maybe we can't.  The problem is...the information on this issue is mostly in the hands of a power elite.  So far they are showing us that they are more interested in squashing scandals that arise solely from policies of their own making, and protecting their own lucrative positions, than disseminating correct information and finding solutions.

Brad The Impaler

Greetings Internet dating person! You have truly won the jackcup. You are lucky you!  So much!  I am wealthy beyond repair, as I am the King of Chicago. I also often show face in majestic movie scenes as "Brad Pit." If you have seen this "Brad Pit", you will know that I am also handsomer than hundred muskox smelling for old food to break the starvation. 

Unfortunately, I must ask you for twenty thousand dollars to unlock door to best restaurant in world when we meet to discuss mating. Key can only be crafted painfully from tusk of white rhino.  Please help make special night of many romantic collisions, because, alas, I left my wallet in Chechnya after Chicago coronation party.  Funds can be wired to bank in Uzbekistan, or my courier Boris can pick up cash money. I will pay you back with rainy torrent of millions upon millions of many dollars after restaurant door is opened, as I have gigantic amount of money in kitchen there.

Please, I only ask, no police this time. In the before time, brutal beating from perceived need about extracted justice and bloodlust was unwanted interference with repeatedful and fruitly mating appointment.  After that, for many days I could only make sweet love with myself or with cellmate.

I see you have stars in ears and shiny taste in mouth. I am happy to readily counteract your strongest night sweats like buffalo in tundra. But first we must have magic very much eating night in restaurant so twenty thousand dollars is of maximum importance.

I am sweating that my philosophy of love for you is very much good. Yes very much many times. Yes yes yes.  And more.  I look kindly forward to break your water of love.  We will have mystifying night, silky and clumpy like thick yak secretion beverage. We will move together as like one giant egg so to break the wind.

Now I, "Brad Pit", must share with you my face, as we are now pinned to that corner in relation boat.

Somebody sent picture of me with "Bruss Wilis."  This made me sad as walrus on metro train.  I see this picture of before time that was happy for me, and I want to cry like little boy peeling onion.

I do not like to be reminded of my before relation boat. It makes bad thinking, like vomit. Discovery of penis was bigger surprise than chocolate eggplant. Until penis was inside my face, I had thought he was little girl, but never mind, OK.  Much luck that it was only beginning of very, very long boat of relations.  But then later it had made sour after love long time, like Chechen wolf beans. And was before I had manly mustache face.

You may wonder, my sweet molasses navel, why I always write "Brad Pit", like it is strange and foreign and not me. It is because it is my cage name for big movie and telewizora productions, in exotic American celebrity cities like Howlywood, Cleveland, and New Jersey. It is our little secret that I am rich and famous beyond redemption.

So come make rich tasty strawberry love with me until the People's Carpathian Army drinks from the sheep intestines.  And do not make mistake of forgetting the twenty thousand dollars, because my courier Boris will become unkind all over everything in sight.

Today's News Interpreted For The Astute

Today's national news. Brought to you by corporate media, drug pushers and 21st century plantation owners, and above all, rich people:

Rich lady died. Rich people knew rich lady, say nice things about her. Rich news guy talked to rich lady many years ago, here's what she said. Terrorist being hunted down, because that's what America does, even though we probably loved him a year ago. Bad weather somewhere; sucks if you're there. Predictable corrupt investigation into white officer who killed black guy. Rich corrupt politician and wife convicted; most of the rest of them are still free. Children tortured by Vatican when explosion set off in front of them. Dad who let kid fry in car will spin the wheel of justice; will likely get a worse deal than rich people if convicted. White ebola doc airlifted to America while inconsequential people die. America crashed a web site with patriotism. Celebrity shill wants you to buy some crap. Corrupt pharmaceutical company wants you to buy some drug. Cute shark attack story. You're not buying enough drugs so buy more drugs. No, really, buy more drugs, because your face looks like shit. Even Abraham Lincoln wants you to buy more shit. Buy more drugs, because you're old and weak, or you will be. This oil company that polluted huge amounts of habitat is better than Jesus. Humongolunatic rich internet company has to pay basically a traffic fine; that'll teach them. There's a bigass volcano, but it probably won't bother you. Rich people honored for being rich people. Recognizable character famous only for wanting you to buy some crap wants you to buy some crap. Buy more drugs for your stomach. We know we already told you your face looks like shit...now you need surgery. Buy more drugs for your head. Drink this fake crap because it has cool stuff in it. Watch our shit later. More about the dead rich lady, here's more of what she said.

Biases

The bias of the young is impatience/arrogance (you old people screwed it up for years,
we are going to come in and wipe the slate clean)...the bias of the old is condescension/complacency (you young people don't have the experience and the wisdom to know how things work).

And the beautiful thing is, everybody can define themselves as in-between.  An eighteen-year old might consider the "young" to be 10 and the "old" to be 25. A seventy-year old might think of "young" people as 50, and "old" people as 85. We all impute to ourselves the experience that we feel is perfect for the job.

Postal Service in Crisis

The Postal Service provides a vital service for all of us. Can you imagine what would happen if cheap delivery of mail and goods were no longer available? UPS, FedEx and other competitors are only able to maintain their level of services because when private deliveries were authorized, they were allowed to cherry-pick the most lucrative business.

The letter delivery service (especially to rural areas) is the most expensive and least profitable part of the Postal Service's business. Yet they still manage to deliver parcels at a competitive rate with decent services, despite being mandated to take on the most difficult and costly deliveries. It is true that the service is not perfect. But UPS and FedEx drivers routinely just run up to a customer's door and dump a package on the doorstep.

Many detractors of the Postal Service will cite the story of Lysander Spooner and the American Letter Mail Company. It is true that Lysander Spooner made a valiant effort to fight what he percieved as an unfair governmental monopoly on delivery of first class-mail. But Spooner had offices only in the largest cities (New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore and Boston) and only delivered in those cities. It would be easy to undercut the Postal Service by taking their most lucrative routes, without taking on the responsibility of delivering to Bastrop, Peoria, Wasilla, and other out-of-the way locales. That monopoly was imposed for a reason...because without it, letter delivery costs would spiral out of control in the "free market." Isn't that what has happened to health care costs?

Applying For A Job In The Modern Age

In this era in which resumes are routinely ignored by "job creators," maybe the resume needs to become a petition? You know, where 1000 people sign a statement that says, "X Company, you should hire Y because..."

"And BTW, we are all consumers of your product."

There's your keywords.

How To Ruin Music

"Musical Stockholm Syndrome":  Insane greedy sociopaths are out to fill a monstrous notch they tore into the fabric of society with whatever vapid extension of pop culture that they think will fly, just so they can buy more crack and helicopters. Creativity has been gunned down like a rival drug gang in Juarez.

Every once in a while somebody will show some documentary about some kindly old producer who brought us all this wonderful band that everybody loves.  Are you kidding? These corporate assassins of art are not promoting creativity.  They are stifling it.  They are using up the oxygen in the room with inbred mouth-breathers of the soul.  Yeah, they figure out just what the latest pop trends were, mix them all together, and stretch them just the right amount to create a new pile of dog turd that they can sell.  And they manage to convince the listening public that this is what they like.  The only envelope that is being stretched in this scenario is the one holding the big ugly wad of turd-covered cash.  And the turds are the only thing drippin' on you.

The Great Whatever

We have an artificially-propped-up "recovery" that is just a pig with lipstick on. Job creation is worse than stagnant because the jobs that are being created are low-paying service jobs, and not full-time, for the most part. Housing starts are anemic, and the rise in home prices is only because of constricted supply of existing houses. Stock prices have been propped up by quantitative easing and are starting to dither. Military boondoggles, student debt nightmares, and exorbitant health care costs are sucking what is left out of the economy. This is not the end of the Great Recession; it is the beginning of something bigger.

Maybe gains are starting to show up in the figures, but if you check with the lower- and middle-class, they don't seem to be benefiting from any alleged improvement.  

No Entry Into The Clubhouse

We are just getting so many messages from the media that have nothing to do with most people's reality, and the disconnect just seems to be getting bigger and more blatant. Ads for multi-million dollar houses that make it seem like everybody lives that lifestyle. Advice columns on how to negotiate raises, when an employer would just as soon replace you with someone who will work cheaper. Houses in movies and on TV that are palatial, when the people (and the actors who play them) on the screen live lives of leisure. Plot lines on TV and movies where people leave their jobs and are immediately recruited by multiple employers. Commercials for expensive medical procedures that show the family next door and suggest universal availability (and, conveniently, don't ever mention the price). Yes, there is an microscopically small part of the population that sees those things in the sphere of their existence. And that is part of the problem--that there is a "performer class" being created so the rest of us can be spectators to a lifestyle we are led to believe we would be part of, but for our negligence in getting into the clubhouse.

Madness At The Texas Capitol

It is unreal that a government can treat its citizens involved in peaceful expression the way people were treated in the Texas Capitol the other night. There were people there who were people's grandparents, their neighbors, their children, their friends--people who have put in sweat equity to build this country's wealth and have watched the fruits of their labor be siphoned away. And does anyone know of anybody who was on the side that got the bill passed who was trapped in a small space, manhandled, violated, or had their property confiscated? They must have been tipped off and led away. They got shipped in as a wholesale effort at the surgically precise time that they needed to be there to provide testimony or feed some inaccurate picture to the media, then they got moved out of harm's way when the hammer of Thor smacked people on the head. This whole thing was orchestrated from the top. There are people who planned this out, and they have names and positions of authority. They even gave us hints by stating early on that this session would be different and dissent would not be tolerated. When peaceful speech is crushed and suppressed by violent means, and the political process is bent into an unrecognizable pretzel by greedy oligarchs for their own selfish ends, that is just wrong. Ethically, morally, legally. We have to make this right.

The Abortion Grenade In The Texas Legislature

One good thing about this abortion bill debacle...it is focusing everybody's attention on this corrupt system that forces itself on everybody with laws that a vast majority don't want. Though this battle is primarily about unwarranted intrusion into women's rights to control their bodies, it is also about anti-democratic corruption that is promulgated by oligarchic entities with an extraordinarily dismissive and warped sense of haughty entitlement.  At the least,  they sure as hell won't get out of this one without some serious claw marks raking their way across their misplaced assumptions that they own you.

Common Ground

There are so many different people with different beliefs and values all over the place. Our biggest challenge is to move beyond, "You have your head up your ass and your shit needs to be stamped out at all costs," to "Let's figure out how to live together and provide for those we care for despite our differences." Of course, all sides would have to acknowledge that.

Really, everybody should have access to what should be the basics of life...food, housing, education, and decent medical care at a minimum, as long as there are the resources to keep that up (and if there aren't the resources to keep that up we are in really deep trouble). Keeping up the fight for that should be a constant thing. But there seem to be so many people who fight back against that every time it is brought up. Everybody can (and will) have their own definition of who they care for...some will be more expansive than others.

Hopefully we could reach a minimum ground that everybody could agree on, and then we can keep trying to get more things that we believe in, while acknowledging that others will believe differently and that they are not necessarily enemies that need to be vanquished because of it. But has human nature become too deformed to even get to that point? When we look at seemingly intractable conflicts...Israelis vs. Palestinians, for example, neither side is willing to reach a minimum common ground and build upon it from there because they distrust the other side too much, and a mentality gets built up that the other side just needs to be wiped out because they are too unreasonable.

Fiscal Cliff?

• People are apprehensive about the "fiscal cliff."  Actually, we tumbled off the fiscal cliff in the 1980s, head over heels, limbs akimbo. We're still trying to mend our broken bones and climb back up.

A New Year, A New Beginning

Here's hoping that 2013 marks the beginning of a trend where those who put in the work to provide materials, goods and services benefit from the fruits of their efforts, rather than seeing them all sapped away by legalized theft. Let's also hope the new year rings in more original music. When every radio station is playing songs that our neighbors recorded at home, not songs that were forced down their throats by big corporations, you can be damn sure we're free.  2013 can be the year of the artist, the poet, the wanderer, the home gardener, and the revolution in neighborly love. Make it so. Happy New Year!

Letters To The Oppressors

Here is a letter sent today to Joe L. Price, Bank of America Executive, via Occupy the Board Room, which allows you to let corporate executives know what you think:

Hello. Kindly abdicate your position immediately and relinquish your misappropriated wealth to the hungry and homeless.

I like you. I want you to be able to support your family and do cool things with your friends. I think that your hard work should be rewarded. But at present, you are supporting an enterprise that (contrary to the propaganda about creating wealth for the economy) dilutes the economy's wealth and skims it off the top for your benefit, all for the sake pushing around electronic “money” that does nobody a whit of good except you and your conspirators. There is nothing being created here.

Except for you and your conspirators, who have purchased the suppression of laws that should be enforced against a possible plethora of criminal acts committed by your cronies (and your employees who get enough crumbs to keep them in your servitude), these activities do not feed anybody. They do not house anybody who needs housing. They do not clothe anybody who has trouble clothing themselves and their families. They do not provide medical care for people who need it. They do not provide college educations for those who cannot afford them. All they do is unconscionably enrich a group of executives and provide them with so much of an excess of luxury goods and property that the rest of us (the 99%) are struggling harder and harder every day to make ends meet.

I do like you, as I said before. I want to offer you advice to help you avoid a fate such as that which befell Marie Antoinette, or Nicolae Ceaucescu, or any of those other misguided souls who allowed their hubris to blind them, and who did things that made others' lives horrible and promoted suffering. People thought they were evil. I want them to think better of you. I don't think anything bad should happen to you at all. I hope that some day we can sit across a table with each other, sip tea, and know that our work contributes equally to the benefit of society, and that both of our families are doing well. Don't you want that, too? I hope so.

Dressing for Success at the Occupation?

There have been a number of people talking about how people should dress nice to participate in the occupation. Playing dress-up is fine for those who want to do it and feel they have to put up some kind of appearance for someone else (the media, the authorities, etc.). But an important part of what many participants are doing here is a rebellion against those whose only competency is in their manicuring skills. That is part of what many of us are doing with our participation. How many of us have been passed over for jobs, promotions or other perks in society, despite skills we might have that would absolutely qualify us for that perk, only to have it go to someone else who is willing to conform their appearance to what the authorities require of a good lapdog?

Those who will tell you that it is not them that require any certain mode of appearance or clothing will always say that it is for the benefit of the OTHERS who require it...it is just what is expected in society. That glosses over deep-seated prejudices that they themselves have, however benevolent they think their advice might be. We love them anyway...they mean well.

There is absolutely no reason why a male should have to wear a false representation of a flaccid penis around his neck in many social circumstances (Thank the stars that this is not required of females!). It's actually pretty darn ridiculous. However, it is a requirement, and a deep-seated expectation, in many situations.

How many news anchors have you seen with obvious piercings? How many contestants on game shows have you encountered with short sleeves showing multiple tattooes? Where are the transvestite police? The political system "looks like America?" I don't think so.

Please, please, please...dress how you like...if it involves a business suit, that is fine for you. If you feel like somebody won't take us seriously if we don't look a certain way, then take it upon yourself to look that way. Just please don't impose it on the rest of us who have lived our whole lives in the shadow of this often unacknowledged and commonly unredressable form of discrimination.

Remembrances for the Occupation

To the 1%: You have looted everything we need to thrive. You have mined people as if they were veins of resources running through the earth. You have raised your champagne glasses in contempt of us. Please make your beds somewhere else, like Qaddafi suddenly did at the request of the people. Maybe you will have a good time trading anecdotes with fallen dictators. We will chase you out peacefully.

We will remember the trolls. We will remember the naysayers. We will remember the people who kept harping that it couldn't be done. We will remember the police who beat the innocent. We will remember the politicians who ordered the arrests. Because we need to show them kindness when the occupation is over, no matter what the ultimate outcome is.

Mr. Obama, Tear Down This Wall (Street)

There have been news sources popping up that have been talking about how the Democrats are trying to co-opt the Occupy Wall Street movement. It may be inevitable that sources of money and power will eventually try to infiltrate a movement and try to influence its direction.

But one form of infiltration would be infinitely useful to the occupation. Mr. Obama, come lead the protests into the buildings on Wall Street. Be there to protect the protesters from the police. Walk them into the institutions that they have been battered away from by the New York Police. Do you think the NYPD would stop POTUS? Then we will know that your sympathetic comments are not just lip service.

But there is almost no chance of that, since the President has been purchased by those interests. Maybe if they keep contributing to Romney for the 2012 election cycle...