I Definitely Don't Miss You

‎"Miss me yet?" Hell no. Can you go farther away? Say, Pitcairn? Or maybe Midway? Take your Dick with you. There would be no prosecution...we are forgiving, even for monumental fuck-ups.

Apologies in advance to the good citizens of Pitcairn Island for the suggestion. At least Midway is (technically) uninhabiited.

Or maybe they should live in a bubble at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico.

Libertarianism = The Robber Baron Mentality of the Nineteenth Century

Libertarianism contains some of the most intellectually bankrupt and selfish ideology. Economic externalities just don't exist. If there's inequity, tough, as long as I've got mine. Most libertarians just whine about taxes, after taking advantage of many perks those taxes paid for.

Is Health Care Reform a Joke?

So we get these totally lukewarm, mind-bending, convoluted health care and financial reform laws. They don't move the cheese, they just swizzle around the bacteria growing on the cheese. And the Democrats talk about how they are the greatest thing ever, and the Republicans talk about how civilization will collapse. What is wrong with this picture?

If we could only spend as much time, energy and political will on feeding, housing, and providing medical care as we did on building big ugly concrete and steel monoliths filled with lawyers, bankers, insurance executives and accountants, this world would be a better place.

Expert Texpert, Choking Voters

So yesterday the stock market went down, and the "experts" said that one of the reasons was the House passing financial reform. And today the stock market went up, and the "experts" said it was due to the Senate passing financial reform. Do the "experts" really know their asses from their elbows?

I mean, weren't the "experts" in charge of the housing bubble, the derivatives debacle, the faulty engineering behind the BP oil spill, and every war we've ever been in? Methinks maybe your average transvestite junkie would do a better job running things.

Maybe we should be appointing welders from Peoria to high-level positions rather than eggheads from the Ivy Leagues. That having been said, there's nothing wrong with having people who actually have solutions run things. But the "solutions" all seem so corrupted by money, and the people in charge seem to be just well-connected prostitutes.

The Tea Party Fireworks Show

Rand Paul is going to self-destruct. Like sweaty dynamite. I don't think the Tea Party will really make a difference in too many elections. They are internally inconsistent (they mostly have no idea what they stand for other than anger), intellectually bankrupt, and not at all cohesive.

Razing Arizona

Now they are purging teachers with accents in Arizona? What the hell is going on there? Are they trying to take their state apart? First the Capitol and other government buildings get sold to corporations, then there's the whole insane illegal alien thing, and now this?

It used to be Mississippi that made Texas look bad, but it looks like we have a new contender.

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

So somebody has figured out how to hack into cars' computers. “We demonstrate the ability to adversarially control a wide range of automotive functions and completely ignore driver input — including disabling the brakes, selectively braking individual wheels on demand, stopping the engine, and so on.” How would you like to be driving down a winding road on the coast of California, and find that your brakes are being disabled by a hacker in Bulgaria?

Birth Management

Hawaii is getting so many requests for Obama's birth certificate that they set up an FAQ page for questions about Obama's birth.

Toy Story

Predator drones are going to be flying over Texas. Finally, Texans can get shot to death by an umanned armed toy.

Lock, Stock and Barrel

Considering how quick it was to bring the stock market to a slamming halt, how easy would it be for a terrorist?

America Is Really Great For The Lucky Few

Laura Bush finally reaps a profit from offing some guy, and manages to blame it on God in the process. Isn't America great. For her.