So Far, It's Looking Like "Flashfracking" Is Ahead In The Polls

See previous post.

Blitzfracking?

Trying to think of a name for a fun little hobby. It's more stimulating that knitting, but not as wacko as reverse bungee-jumping. Here's how it works:

You begin by meandering around mid-city on your bicycle, taking in the beautiful scenery and colorful surroundings, thinking how wonderful it is to be alive in the good ol' USA (or Namibia, Kazakhstan, wherever the hell...). Anyway, in your state of blissful meander, you chance upon a live news broadcast. There's a perky cub reporter pulling in megabucks to plant her ass in a park somewhere and pretend to be a journalist. She is in the viewing frame of an expensive camera run by an underpaid camera guy. There's a huge, forced polyvinyl smile on her face while she gushes to some far-off anchor (who is doing a fabulous job pretending to understand what is going on around him) about how absolutely wonderful it is that business interests are shoving an apple tree up your ass yet again. She states the OBVIOUS about how spectacular it is for everybody when one has a large woody, fruit bearing perennial forcibly inserted up one's butt. Because, of course, if only everybody had an apple tree jammed up their posterior, businesses would prosper, industry would smile down on the people and, magically, everybody would have a job. Not to mention (with a *wink*) the dual possibilities of the end of all tyranny and the cure for all known disease.

Meanwhile, you manage to cease your lurid admiration of this hideous spectacle celebrating (the death of) the American way. Pedaling furiously, you swoop down and sidle up in a position directly behind the impossibly sunny correspondent, your mouth scant inches from her ear. Quickly, directly over her shoulder, you scream "FUCK!" (or any other highly objectionable utterance of your choosing) as loudly as you can. Fill your lungs beforehand and just draw it out; make it long enough to make home couch potatoes tilt their heads up a few degrees from their drunken (or moronic; that works, too) stupors.

Approach quickly (before the camera guy has a chance to give her the secret hand signal), to accomplish this sick little deed, knowing that you are acting on behalf of the betterment of the community. The next step is to peel off as rapidly as you can into the shadows, shooting clumps of turf grass into her astonished face. You quickly become invisible to all except in the memories of those watching the six o'clock news with their mouths agape. My, it's invigorating to watch an up-and-coming corporate tarball jump out of her skin on live TV. Sorta like watching Wile E. Coyote hit the anvil. Good fun. And triple bonus points for hitting a national news program, like the Today Show. Major acclaim is in order for anyone who can charge their way on to a pompous, condescending religious show like the 700 Club (watching Pat Robertson shit himself on a live broadcast after a filthy word bounces off the back of his neck might be considered the apex of existence to some). Try hard to not get shot. Or arrested.

Anyway, the working title for this stimulating little sidebar (surely, it needs a monthly magazine. Oh wait, that's a dying medium...) is "blitzfracking." Anybody have a better title?

Some might say this activity takes advantage of our Empty-American community. And, granted, there may be some truth to that claim. But ripe fruit is put there for the picking. When opportunity knocks, you want to be there to answer the door.

How To Watch Most Action Movies On Mute Or In Any Language

Protagonist is tough but flawed. He has a complicated relationship with the smart chick (and/or the ex). Protagonist and chick argue over stupid, meaningless shit all the friggin' time, but everybody in the audience (or on your couch, if you're at home) can see right through this manufactured tension. Bad guys show up (or if they were there from the beginning, they intensify). Bad guys fuck with everybody. Shit blows up. Protagonist and chick might jump out of the way of an explosion, just in the nick of time, in slow motion. Protagonist starts visibly agonizing a lot. Protagonist might, at some point, punch a wall out of frustration, because the fucking world just doesn't work as it should. It's just not fair, god damn it, as he bites his fist.

Protagonist chases the bad guys around. Bad guys chase Protagonist around. More shit blows up. Bad guys mess with Protagonist, nab him, and put him in a situation there's no way he can get out of (e.g.--Original "Star Trek" before every mid-show commercial), but he slips out anyway, mostly because dipshit Bad guys waited too fucking long to wipe him (sometimes because they are giving a speech about how devious and clever they are, a la Snidely Whiplash). Protagonist turns the table and nails the bad guys. Protagonist is still flawed, but a little nicer, even though he doesn't like to show it. The end.

A Worthy Goal?

Sometimes it is hard to fathom what is going on in the minds of policy-makers these days. The social safety net seems to be chopped off more and more each day, and opportunities for improving one's standing in society are getting curtailed to a greater degree as time goes on, except for the super wealthy.

One of the latest moves by Austin Independent School District appears to be an initiative to close as many as 15 schools due to budgetary pressure. If we as a society can't educate our children, it will not be long before we will degenerate into a failed state. Pure and simple.

So what is the goal here? The goal is apparently to achieve a generation of illiterates, a panoply of unemployed, and a government that wants everybody to deal with any attendant misery that falls their way as a result of this brilliant plan on their own. Meanwhile, as an amusing sidebar, corporations mine people for the change in their pockets, health care becomes unaffordable, and defense spending spins out of control. And they seem to be succeeding magnificently

Guessing What Is In The State Of The Union Address

A new day is dawning, the American people are great, we have to get busy, and we're screwed, but the sun is shining.

Just a guess as to what is going to be in the State of the Union Address.

About That Political Process Thing

It is hard to recruit good candidates for office. There's too much negative to counterbalance the positive. Anyone who would want to run is subjected to distortions of anything they have said, having to defend the most minor infractions, and having their whole lives under microscopic scrutiny. And corporate interests own the political process; anyone who tries to fight that usually becomes not much more than a placeholder unless they are exceptional.

This is unfortunate, because it means that the natural order of things dictate that decent, caring people with good motives are naturally driven away from politics. And people who have deep needs to abuse power, plunder resources to fill their pockets and take advantage of people, are drawn toward it.

Keith Olbermann Exits Stage Left, His Speech Curtailed

Part of the deal surrounding Keith Olbermann's exit from MSNBC apparently requires him to not talk about the agreement, and also prohibits him from being able to work in television again for a while. Though the Constitution prevents Congress from abridging our freedom of speech, there is no such prohibition for corporations, or for private deals, agreements, settlements, etc.

It is very common for settlement agreements or employment contracts to have provisions curtailing speech. Some of these provisions can be crushingly draconian. The argument here is that there has been some consideration paid for a service provided, which is the service of keeping one's trap shut. But, in reality, contractual clauses can serve as a work-around for that sometimes inconvenient First Amendment.

And then there's a whole different layer added when an employee simply feels (or has been the recipient of communication about) pressure to not speak out simply because she feels it could adversely affect her employment or promotion prospects. There certainly is some reasonable limit to things one should not say disparagingly about tone's employer. But, in most cases, it is not very reasonable to stop an employee from commenting about issues unrelated to the company.

And many companies are also trying to regulate behavior outside the workplace. Some companies are prohibiting smoking off-duty, for example. This has been ruled legal in most jurisdictions. But an extreme and really chilling example is the fast food restaurant that told employees that they should vote Republican if they wanted to stay in good graces with the company.

Keith Olbermann probably doesn't feel any of the economic pressures that the average working-class or middle-class person does regarding these issues. That departure agreement that he assented to is probably fairly lucrative.

Texas Times, They Are A Changin'

There may be some good news coming due to the coming demographic changes in Texas. Soon Texas should have a Hispanic majority, and Hispanics trend toward voting Democrat. Even though Republicans won every statewide office this last time, if they really mess up the budget much more, it could create a perfect storm.

Right now, the "spending cuts" they are talking about are just shifting a lot of the costs onto municipalities, school districts, and the general public. So a lot of the talk about saving money is probably going to be just smoke and mirrors. But the various players in this upcoming fiscal nightmare will surely want to spin it as a victory for cutting spending. The question coming up is whether voters will believe this pile of garbage.

Maybe Texas will get so "fed up" (to use Rick Perry's latest catch phrase), and sometime in the next decade, the voters will elect Sen. Keith Olbermann and Sen. Rachel Maddow? Then again, maybe that's a little too much wishful thinking. First of all, they would have to move here, and second of all, Texas is still pretty conservative in the rural areas. But there is some precedent for liberal Texas leaders: look at Ralph Yarborough, Jim Hightower, and Ann Richards, among others.

Shoot Them In The Head?

It seems that at one point in his show, Glenn Beck made some thoughtless comment about how political opponents should be dealt with: his advice was that you would have to "shoot them in the head." Well, now a Congressional representative has been shot in the head. And, of course, there's no proof of any direct link, of course, just as there is no direct link to Sarah Palin's placement of crosshairs over Gabrielle Gifford's district, accompanied by the comment that people would have to "take her out."

But, seriously, it is amazing to consider the amount of complete rhetorical barf that gets converted to filthy, unrepentant wealth. While decent people are unemployed and homeless. And congressional representatives are ACTUALLY getting shot in the head. Is there a problem with priorities here?

The conservative refrain used to be, "Get a job!" Now it seems to be, "Dig a hole!" Because that is the best deal many people down on their luck would get if some of these nutjobs actually governed.

Once you dig your hole so you will be out of sight, make sure you don't breathe too loudly, and maybe some edible fungus will grow on the walls. Because there aren't enough jobs to follow the old refrain: "Get a job, deadbeat!" And nobody will put the homeless in the huge amounts of empty foreclosed homes.

But here's a really scary prospect. Think about Glenn Beck actually running things through running for political office rather than wearing an overcrapped intellectual diaper and calling it a "university." There's a frightening concept. What is more scary in this scenario; the idiots who would vote for him, or the nihilists who won't vote at all because the process is so corrupt, thereby letting the idiots run rampant on the playground?

Divorce, American Style

Things are awfully polarized, and it seems like there are so many important issues that two factions who see themselves as opposite sides of the coin simply refuse to agree on. Politicians and pundits seems to just dig rhetorical trenches and plant themselves firmly in them, refusing to cede any ground to the other side.

Maybe we should just set up two parallel governments. The liberals can choose to be governed by one, and the conservatives can choose to be governed by the other. Why couldn't two (or several) governments operate on the same territory? We already have federal, state, county and municipal governments all operating side by side in the same places. Common functions or anything that can be agreed upon (prosecuting people for murder, traffic violations) can be dealt with by a central entity created by something akin to a treaty (sort of a UN between the liberals and the conservatives, but with more governing power?). This suggestion probably wouldn't solve the problem of corporate dominance over our governmental structures, though.

But if we did have two separate governments, we could have single-payer health care, a living wage, and an end to hunger and homelessness on one side, and a pile of stingy dipshits who like to swim in money on the other.

The Most Dangerous Substance

We need to immediately work to stamp out the most dangerous substance known to mankind: water. It's a FACT that 100% of the people in America's prisons have tried water at least once. Also, one sip and you are ADDICTED FOR LIFE! Many of these crazed water addicts have even been known to move on to even more irresponsible behavior, such as drinking milk or tea.

Ah, the power of hyperbolic argument.

Please Step Away From The Government

Darrell Issa is making the claim that the Obama administration is one of the most corrupt presidention administrations of all time. It is kind of ironic to make that claim, after the previous administration was stocked to the brim with war criminals.

But, then again, what would anyone expect from a hypercapitalist industrialist whose most frequently repeated words are "Please step away from the car." It's just another hyperbolic twist transferring inconvenient facts into an intellectual mobius strip of fantasy.

No big deal, really, this type of sideshow is soon to be an everyday occurrence. Step right up...to the carnival freak show that will pass for governing in the next session of the House. The clowns are already piling out of the car and spraying seltzer on you.

Governing By Wrecking Ball

Many of the more conservative members of Congress are riding along with the (newly empowered) wave of Tea Partiers and intensifying their howls against supposed overblown spending in the Federal Government. Granted, there is a problem, and it is not confined to this country. Spain, Greece, Portugal, Ireland and Iceland are facing huge budgetary difficulties, and Argentina is recovering from having basically gone under a while back.

One of the big problems in the United States, though, is that many of the long-term and medium-term structural deficit problems were intentionally created by conservatives, who dropped revenue to accommodate their philosophical proclivities, but failed to accordingly cut programs and spending to accommodate the shortage of funds. The fact that the economy was tanking and tax revenues dropped even further for the Feds and for most states didn't help at all.

Of course, the conservatives in power during the Bush era couldn't make cuts in government programs concurrent with the tax cuts, because then they would be hounded out of office by the voters (as they pretty much were in 2008 because of the economic collapse mostly caused by their policies). So they have preferred to let society and infrastructure crumble, which, coincidentally, goes along conveniently and elegantly with a psychotically apocalyptic vision of the world colored by masturbatory religious fervor. This plan also fits in well with a sudden, feverish insistence that everything has to be chopped to the bone (after the fecal matter is already flying through the fan blades) to save the republic. All they had to do was block everything they could for two years after going into the governing minority, and do everything in their power to obfuscate what is really going on and shift the blame for much of the resulting carnage to the Democrats.

It never hurts to have an electorate comprised of a huge bloc whose attention span is dictated by texting and video games, and others who are just desperate to find someone to blame. Toss in a creeping imbalance of wealth and the resultant destruction of the middle class, and you have the cherry on the whipped cream topping the perfect storm.

It is doubtful that any of this is included in the definition of the verb "to govern" in the dictionary...

Constitution Or Constipation?

In the new Republican-controlled House, the Constitution will be read on the floor on the first day. This is probably a good thing, since so many members seem to be pretty ignorant of what is contained therein.

Maybe the Supreme Court will take a hint and start using the Constitution as a guide as well when they issue their decisions. Because decisions like Bush v. Gore and Citizens United don't seem to have considered it much at all.

Remembrances Of All Who Mattered

As news organizations assemble lists of those who died in 2010, let us remember also all the people who left us who led lives outside the news diaspora. There were many wonderful people who left us in the last year who worked hard, filled important roles, raised families (or supported themselves admirably and elegantly despite difficulties), and struggled and scrimped to put food on their tables, but who mattered nonetheless. Some may have considered their lives unremarkable, but there was always someone who was touched by multitudes of quiet heroes who didn't dominate the political, entertainment or business headlines. Let us all consider the magnificent contributions that the quiet unsung made among us, and give them our thanks and gratitude.

Happy New Year to all. May this year bring joy, prosperity, peace, and above all, sanity.

Ringing In The New Year

We need to stop allocating resources to items that will push the American Empire over the edge and start pouring energy into investments that will build our infrastructure and support our people from the ground up. Let's hope the New Year brings more of this targeted kind of thinking and behavior.

"The evidence is pretty good that we’ll get a better return on investment in early childhood education than in, say, a military base in Germany."--Nicholas Kristof

Into the trash bin with the old, wear the new like a brand new suit.