Greetings Internet dating person! You have truly won the jackcup. You are lucky you! So much! I am wealthy beyond repair, as I am the King of Chicago. I also often show face in majestic movie scenes as "Brad Pit." If you have seen this "Brad Pit", you will know that I am also handsomer than hundred muskox smelling for old food to break the starvation.
Unfortunately, I must ask you for twenty thousand dollars to unlock door to best restaurant in world when we meet to discuss mating. Key can only be crafted painfully from tusk of white rhino. Please help make special night of many romantic collisions, because, alas, I left my wallet in Chechnya after Chicago coronation party. Funds can be wired to bank in Uzbekistan, or my courier Boris can pick up cash money. I will pay you back with rainy torrent of millions upon millions of many dollars after restaurant door is opened, as I have gigantic amount of money in kitchen there.
Please, I only ask, no police this time. In the before time, brutal beating from perceived need about extracted justice and bloodlust was unwanted interference with repeatedful and fruitly mating appointment. After that, for many days I could only make sweet love with myself or with cellmate.
I see you have stars in ears and shiny taste in mouth. I am happy to readily counteract your strongest night sweats like buffalo in tundra. But first we must have magic very much eating night in restaurant so twenty thousand dollars is of maximum importance.
I am sweating that my philosophy of love for you is very much good. Yes very much many times. Yes yes yes. And more. I look kindly forward to break your water of love. We will have mystifying night, silky and clumpy like thick yak secretion beverage. We will move together as like one giant egg so to break the wind.
Now I, "Brad Pit", must share with you my face, as we are now pinned to that corner in relation boat.
Somebody sent picture of me with "Bruss Wilis." This made me sad as walrus on metro train. I see this picture of before time that was happy for me, and I want to cry like little boy peeling onion.
I do not like to be reminded of my before relation boat. It makes bad thinking, like vomit. Discovery of penis was bigger surprise than chocolate eggplant. Until penis was inside my face, I had thought he was little girl, but never mind, OK. Much luck that it was only beginning of very, very long boat of relations. But then later it had made sour after love long time, like Chechen wolf beans. And was before I had manly mustache face.
You may wonder, my sweet molasses navel, why I always write "Brad Pit", like it is strange and foreign and not me. It is because it is my cage name for big movie and telewizora productions, in exotic American celebrity cities like Howlywood, Cleveland, and New Jersey. It is our little secret that I am rich and famous beyond redemption.
So come make rich tasty strawberry love with me until the People's Carpathian Army drinks from the sheep intestines. And do not make mistake of forgetting the twenty thousand dollars, because my courier Boris will become unkind all over everything in sight.
Today's national news. Brought to you by corporate media, drug pushers and 21st century plantation owners, and above all, rich people:
Rich lady died. Rich people knew rich lady, say nice things about her. Rich news guy talked to rich lady many years ago, here's what she said. Terrorist being hunted down, because that's what America does, even though we probably loved him a year ago. Bad weather somewhere; sucks if you're there. Predictable corrupt investigation into white officer who killed black guy. Rich corrupt politician and wife convicted; most of the rest of them are still free. Children tortured by Vatican when explosion set off in front of them. Dad who let kid fry in car will spin the wheel of justice; will likely get a worse deal than rich people if convicted. White ebola doc airlifted to America while inconsequential people die. America crashed a web site with patriotism. Celebrity shill wants you to buy some crap. Corrupt pharmaceutical company wants you to buy some drug. Cute shark attack story. You're not buying enough drugs so buy more drugs. No, really, buy more drugs, because your face looks like shit. Even Abraham Lincoln wants you to buy more shit. Buy more drugs, because you're old and weak, or you will be. This oil company that polluted huge amounts of habitat is better than Jesus. Humongolunatic rich internet company has to pay basically a traffic fine; that'll teach them. There's a bigass volcano, but it probably won't bother you. Rich people honored for being rich people. Recognizable character famous only for wanting you to buy some crap wants you to buy some crap. Buy more drugs for your stomach. We know we already told you your face looks like shit...now you need surgery. Buy more drugs for your head. Drink this fake crap because it has cool stuff in it. Watch our shit later. More about the dead rich lady, here's more of what she said.
The bias of the young is impatience/arrogance (you old people screwed it up for years,
we are going to come in and wipe the slate clean)...the bias of the old is condescension/complacency (you young people don't have the experience and the wisdom to know how things work).
And the beautiful thing is, everybody can define themselves as in-between. An eighteen-year old might consider the "young" to be 10 and the "old" to be 25. A seventy-year old might think of "young" people as 50, and "old" people as 85. We all impute to ourselves the experience that we feel is perfect for the job.
