Kim the Pretender

The best way for Kim Davis to do her REAL job (hateful bigotry dressed in skimpy religious underwear to barely overlay the vulgar parts) would be to NOT back go to work for the county, and sign on with some logic-busting media purveyor of euphemistic, manipulative, talking-head bondage porn gone wrong (you know, like "The View"). The problem is, though that course of action might contort her body into sweaty, shivering heights of pseudo-religiorgasmic ecstasy, it would interfere too much with her other self-imposed, equally perverse fetish for bullying and humiliating innocent people unnecessarily in a public fashion. Jesus is the best blunt instrument for the forceful delivery of that hate...at least, the intolerant voodoo Chucky-Jesus impostor doll that she has ritually summoned from Hell in her spastic delirium of misfiring dendrites gone wild. The people in her corner always want to be fluffers for the Jesus with piles of money, rather than the Jesus who stands with the downtrodden. Kim, come claim your righteous and holy glory...it is waiting for you on the other side of the glory hole that you just carved into America. But, alas, I'm afraid the masked white guys who run the three-ring-circus called the State of Kentucky may be unable to perform. So, Kim, if you play your cards right, and keep sticking to your tawḥīd, your soul just might end up in Jannah al-Firdaus with seventy-two virgins. That would make it all worth it.

The real story is that this bigoted public official is just trying to carve out a niche for herself as a fanatical leader of the misguided.  Though social media money-collection sites like GoFundMe are shutting down her attempts to cash out, undoubtedly there will be other collection efforts, maybe through hate groups thinly disguised as churches.  Somebody right now is probably ghost-writing a book for her, and there is probably a slot available for her as a "commentator" on some bloviating ad-revenue collections syndicate.