John Cornyn Is NOT A Gay Meth Dealer

With all the attention that has been lavished on Barack Obama's fantasy lack of a birth certificate, we wanted to somehow indicate that opponents of Obama's detractors would never stoop to such a strategy.

That is why we want to be the first to point out that John Cornyn is NOT a gay meth dealer. Sure, he HAS been seen in the company of other men, and sometimes his eyes look a little wild, and this would surely constitute more evidence that he is a gay meth dealer than is available for the proposition that Barack Obama has no birth certificate.

But to suggest that John Cornyn is a gay meth dealer would be really low. And we are better than that.

Now, some of you might be thinking about planting drugs on John Cornyn in a false and spurious attempt to prove that he is a gay meth dealer. We don't think that would be a good idea. That would be illegal, even though the drug laws don't differentiate between mere possession and any kind of knowledge or intent, and even though the mere fact that someone has drugs on them makes them guilty in the eyes of the law whether someone planted them or not.

Just because John Cornyn says things that don't seem to have any rational basis, it does not mean that he is fried out of his mind on crystal meth. We here at the blog are surprised that anyone would even be thinking along those lines. And we are not talking about the lines that you snort, either. John Cornyn is not a babbling, incoherent ape; he is a decent man working hard for Texas families.

The doubts that John Cornyn had about voting for Sonia Sotomayor were NOT bug-crawling, bat-swatting psychosis induced by snorting way too much white powder. Nor were they an orgasmic revelation induced by some male lover who boldly went where no man (or even many men) had gone before. No, those doubts were the product of the courage of his convictions.

Oh, and there is one last scurrilous rumor we would like to kill. When John Cornyn ran that campaign ad calling himself "Big Bad John," it was NOT an homage to the Village People.